


there is beauty behind every tear you've cried (sometimes it's just hard to realize)

by enbyamaguchi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash, Soft Tsukishima Kei, and it's kinda super messy with some very half-assed proofreading, and then them havin a Moment™ at the end, but i also kinda like how it came out so, here we areee, it's mostly just tsukki bein a pal, oh and how can i forget the most important thing, ok time for some actual tags, seriously i wrote this at 12am last night bc i was sad and on the verge of tears, so take it how u will, vent pieceeee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26915056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyamaguchi/pseuds/enbyamaguchi
Summary: sometimes all you need to do to be enough is be you. // title from 'fire N gold' by bea miller!!
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	there is beauty behind every tear you've cried (sometimes it's just hard to realize)

**Author's Note:**

> hii so as u can see from the tags this was rly just a vent piece i wrote to get some feelings out so i apologise if it's a bit messy and all over the place,,, i didnt really write it with a specific plot or setting in mind or anything 😅 regardless, i hope you enjoy!!! <3

sometimes it feels like every celestial body in the entire solar system has joined forces to make yamaguchi feel as shitty as possible; like the stars in the sky, which he loves so very much (perhaps partially because their twinkling reminds yamaguchi of the sparkles in a certain blond boy's eyes), are looking down on him and laughing at him, at how weak and useless and pathetic he is. it feels like the whole universe is watching him when he cries, and going, "ha! stupid little kid."

and yamaguchi hates it. he _hates_ feeling small and worthless, because he knows he isn’t ( _he doesn’t think i am_ ). he _hates_ feeling like the world is against him, because he knows it isn't ( _he's still there_ ). he _hates_ how helpless it makes him feel because he knows he shouldn't be feeling that way ( _he's right here with me_ ).

"earth to yamaguchi tadashi?"

adding to the list of things yamaguchi hates: the amount of energy (both physical and emotional) involved in turning his head to look at the source of the voice.

_he's right here with me._

tsukki is waving a hand in front of yamaguchi's face (how long has he been doing that for?), pale skin and lovely blond hair shimmering under the moonlight (it complements him perfectly; _he looks so beautiful_ ), and yamaguchi blinks.

"sorry, tsukki," he mumbles, the phrase said much less emotionally than usual. tsukki seems to notice this fact; he raises an eyebrow. yamaguchi gulps.

then tsukki smirks. "you seem distracted. got someone on your mind?"

yamaguchi begins to sputter what he assumes is absolute gibberish in response to that statement - it catches him so off guard, _what the hell, tsukki?_ \- before finally landing on the words, "d- did you just say some _one_?"

_how did he know...?_

"did i?" that look - that smirk - is still on tsukki's face, and yamaguchi feels a little (though, not nearly enough) of his dread melt away. "perhaps i meant to say some _thing._ "

"perhaps?" yamaguchi snorts. tsukki's smirk seemed to morph into more of a smile (yamaguchi must just be seeing things). yamaguchi sighs. whether it's due to the crushing weight of his current thoughts and feelings, or because he's pretty much completely entranced by how ethereal tsukki looks right now, he doesn't know. maybe it's both.

"tadashi," tsukki speaks up again after an elongated silence (yamaguchi doesn't even notice it, how silly of him), "you've been disturbingly quiet all night. usually at our sleepovers you do most of the talking, whether it's about pokémon or stars or plants or some really cute cat you saw at the park today. what's wrong."

yamaguchi's sure the last part is meant to be a question, but tsukki says it like a statement; a command. and yamaguchi has a tendency to respond to any questions that tsukki says that way, so he sighs again. 

"nothing, i just…"

_oh._

suddenly it's very hard to look tsukki in the eyes. or, to look at him anywhere, for that matter. yamaguchi doesn't know why. and he doesn't want to think too hard about it, either. he opts for staring out the window; gaze falling upon the stars that still seem to be taunting him, belittling him.

"do you ever feel like you're not enough, tsukki? and like you'll never _be_ enough, no matter how hard you try?"

tsukki frowns, eyebrows furrowed in something akin to concern, confusion, and frustration all at once ( _he still looks beautiful_ ). "where's this coming from?"

yamaguchi shrugs, and laughs, and- oh, is he crying? that laugh was awfully watery. he touches a hand to his face, and sure enough his cheeks are wet. he looks down at his pajama pants, taking notice of the wet spots from his tears on them. wow.

"i've been trying really hard to tell myself that i can nail this serve consistently, that i'm _good_ at volleyball, that it's okay that i'm the only first year who isn't a regular because that doesn't mean i'm any less talented or important... because sometimes, if you tell yourself something enough, it becomes true or you start to believe it. but it isn't working…" yamaguchi is fully aware of the new batch of tears that are beginning to snake their way down his cheeks. "why isn't it working, tsukki?"

for a long time (or maybe a short time that just feels like a long time), there is silence. yamaguchi is worried that The Moment has finally arrived (the Moment he's feared since he and tsukki became friends; the Moment where tsukki decides yamaguchi really is just pathetic and not worth the time and energy, the Moment where tsukki leaves him). 

then a hand (not yamaguchi's this time), cold yet gentle, touches his cheek and its thumb wipes away many of yamaguchi's tears. this, however, is to no avail, because it seems like the little droplets of sorrow and misery just want to keep coming.

"i don't know why it isn't working, tadashi," tsukki says as he continues to wipe away yamaguchi's falling tears. "maybe you haven't been telling it to yourself for long enough yet."

yamaguchi chuckles tiredly. "maybe you're right."

and this is just one of many things yamaguchi adores about tsukki. he always tells it like it is, no matter how much it might hurt or how inappropriate it might seem in certain situations. and he always ends up saying exactly what needs to be said.

"for what it's worth," tsukki starts (it seems like he's had to break an awful lot of long silences tonight), "i think you're enough. more than enough, actually. your serves are improving by leaps and bounds every day, your confidence on court seems to be increasing each time you play, and that all goes to show that you're plenty talented at volleyball. plus… you're you."

_you're you._

he says it like it's the truest, most important thing in the world. yamaguchi feels his heart do a hundred million flips in a row.

"whaddya mean by that, tsukki?" yamaguchi asks softly. his tears have stopped, but tsukki's hand hasn't left his face.

it's tsukki's turn to shrug for the night. he gives yamaguchi a small smile. it says everything yamaguchi needs it to say. he leans into tsukki's tender hold on his cheek (all these years and he never realised his best friend was capable of such an intimate gesture), closes his eyes, and a smile of his own forms on his lips, rooting from the sheer contentedness and warmth that have nestled comfortably in his heart. 

_he’s right here with me._

_**fin.** _

**Author's Note:**

> hi again !! thank you so very much for reading this lil thing, i really hope you liked it! kudos and comments are very very very appreciated! if you'd like to chat or interact more, you can also find me on [twitter!](twitter.com/TSUKKIHLNAS)
> 
> thank you again!  
> lara <3


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